When a child is sick, families are prepared to talk about hot soup, extra rest, or a trip to the doctor’s. Likewise, discussions about school are common in many homes. But parents often avoid mental health conversations.
Although parents may find it more difficult to talk about mental health challenges like anxiety and depression, and healthy relationships, these discussions are integral to keeping our children safe and healthy.
Here are tips to make conversations about mental health and healthy relationships an integral part of your family.
Educate Yourself. Learning about mental health issues helps parents feel they are better prepared. Age-appropriate resources can help you explain things in a way your child understands, and even serve as engaging visuals, games, or activities.
Create an open, judgment-free environment. Let your child know that mental health is just as important as physical health. Reassure them that talking to a therapist is a normal part of wellness, like seeing a primary care physician.
In black families, this includes dispelling the “men don’t cry” machismo and “strong black woman” stereotype. Find out how these ideas affect your child, and let them know it is okay to show emotions and that asking for and getting help is a sign of strength.
Create a Natural Conversation Flow. Make conversations about mental health and healthy relationships a regular part of family dynamics. Create spaces to get to know your child by spending time in nature together or just “shooting the breeze.” Initiate discussions while driving, during a fun activity, if it fits naturally, or after watching a relevant TV show, movie, or social media post. Remember to let your tone and the conversation’s mood match the moment, and refrain from turning it into a lecture. These opportunities are perfect spaces to discuss what’s on a child’s mind. If your children aren’t ready to talk when you are, be open and ready when they are.
Be Honest. If your child asks you something you don’t know, use this opportunity to model that it’s okay not to have all the answers. They’ll find comfort in seeing that, like them, you’re not perfect. You and your child can learn together.
Remain Calm and Listen Attentively. Remember not to be reactive but responsive. Allow children to talk without rushing to solve the problem. Ask open-ended, non-judgmental questions that help you understand their feelings and the situation. Summarizing what you’ve heard them say shows you are listening and showing empathy.
Normalize, Validate, and Share Your Own Experiences. Assure them that what they’re feeling is normal, and that they can always come to you. Briefly share similar experiences and feelings while keeping the focus on your child.
Ask Permission. Ask your child whether they want you to listen, or want advice or help. If they don’t want help, give them space. If you feel the problem requires immediate intervention, use age-appropriate resources or strategies to help your child understand your reasons for giving advice or getting assistance. Helping children see for themselves the value in support can make them feel more in control of their lives.
Resources
Here are resources to help you have the conversation that can’t wait.
- DC Department of Behavioral Health Parent Support Program – Parenting tools, webinars, and consultations that help families support children’s emotional well-being.
- DC Department of Behavioral Health Resource Link – Find age-appropriate mental health services, support programs, and community resources for children, teens, and caregivers.
- DC OSSE: Supporting Mental Health in Schools – Family engagement resources and information that helps parents partner with schools to support their child’s mental wellness.
- School Mental Health – DC Public Schools – Offers articles for parents on recognizing stress, supporting children’s emotional health, and building resilience at home and at school.
- Black Mental Wellness – Culturally responsive resources for discussing mental health, emotional wellness, and racial stress within Black families.
LaShonda Tucker
LaShonda Tucker is a freelance writer, poet, and spoken word artist in Atlanta. When she isn't writing, she enjoys playing her violin. She earned her master's degrees from the University of Georgia and Kennesaw State University, and her bachelor's degree in English from the University of Michigan.
