Trans sex, sometimes referred to as T4T, is sexual intercourse between transgender individuals. Oftentimes, however, when people talk about “trans sex,” they are referring to sexual intercourse between a transgender woman and a cisgender man. For the purposes of this article, I’ll name this type of sex for what it is: cis-trans heterosexual intercourse. Here, when I speak of trans sex, I’m referring to the sexual intercourse between a trans person and (an)other trans person(s).
Sex between transgender people of various genders is a topic that’s not often talked about. What language can we use to describe this type of sex? Gay/Lesbian? Straight? Bisexual? Queer? What is it? That, of course, depends on the people and their individual identifications. Let’s say for example, a non-binary persxn, regardless of what their gender is; is dating another non-binary persxn, regardless of what their gender is. Do both these people being together, having sex, being in a relationship, being in love, constitute homosexuality? Heterosexuality? Bisexuality? Who decides? Do the people decide? Does society decide? Do the doctors decide? Do the TERFS (Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminists) decide?
Oftentimes, people assume that transgender women can only be interested in cisgender men. I think that’s because people mistakenly think that transgender women are men and so they are gay men and so they only wanna be with other gay men. The same goes for trans men: many people believe trans men are cisgender women who like women, so the assumption is that trans men are only attracted to cisgender women. And non-binary people? Non-binary people are just queer. This filtered transmisogynistic idea continues to erase the experiences of many binary and non-binary transgender people.
As a non-binary transgender woman, I am and have been sexually active with transgender men and non-binary transmasculine people, as well as with transgender women, non-binary transfeminine people, agender people, and intersex folx. My sexual interest in cisgender men and cisgender women is very limited. Does this change who I am? Does it determine my sexual orientation? Maybe? Maybe not. At the end of the day, I like what I like, and people don’t have to understand, but they shouldn’t judge. They should let people exist in the ways they want to exist, and move on.
The first time I had sex with another trans persxn of color, was the first time I felt a sense of liberation. As an Amerindigenous transgender persxn, sex for me has always manifested at an intersection of gender and racial identity. Race and gender based violence, in the form of fetishization, has always been something I look out for in my sexual relationships. Sex between TPOC is oftentime free of these constrictions, which can ruin the fun, excitement, romance, or intensity of sexual relations. These relationships can help trans folx of color learn about themselves, their likes, their dislikes, and about how to be more enriching lovers to other TPOC.
With my partner, and fellow Two-Spirit person, Ahanu, our relationship has been very liberating. There’s a lot about Ahanu I can not say because it is not my story to tell, but what I can say is that people often see us and make a lot of assumptions about what we do in bed, how we love each other, who we are, why we are together, and so on and so forth. Many people assume that people I’m “feminine” and Ahanu is “masculine” and so we must fill these specific roles in our relationship: I am the submissive person and Ahanu is the dominant person in the bedroom.
Though, gender, gender presentation, sexual preference, sexual orientation, and sexual interests sometimes intersect the way people expect, for me that’s not always the case. People always make assumptions based on appearances, but it is people inside the relationship that decide. We decide what’s fun. We have a good time.
The sexual intercourse I’ve had with other trans people of color, has brought me liberation. To me, T4T has proven to be affirming, inspirational, and necessary. A recommend to other trans folx to experience trans Love, trans sex, trans companionship, tranriendship, and everything else between trans community members.
It’s more than okay to love a Trans person. If you do, then proudly say: I LOVE A TRANS WOMAN. I LOVE A TRANS MAN. I LOVE A NON-BINARY PERSON. I LOVE AN INTERSEX PERSON.
Image Credits // Featured Image: The Gender Spectrum Collection (model’s gender identities: A transmasculine gender-nonconforming person and transfeminine non-binary person); Internal image via Sexual + Being