Masturbating While Trans: How To Get Off And Stay Gender Euphoric

As a sex educator, therapist, and university researcher, I’m all too familiar with the common tropes around self touch. Bubble bath self-seductions, sex toy parties for one, and tips on choosing (or making) porn to help you get the job done are all over the internet. Great! But it’s probably not enough for many of us. Whether it’s a quickie before sleep or the climactic end to your torrid solo romance — what about gender affirmation and exploration as an extra-hot part of masturbation?

In the words of poet Andrea Gibson, “my pronouns haven’t even been invented yet.” I make due with they/them pronouns and even have them tattooed on my knuckles. Yes, I’m non-binary, which means that my gender isn’t captured by the binary options of “man” or “woman.” 

There are an unlimited number of ways to be non-binary or enby. (Enby is the phonetic pronunciation of N.B. that respects that the initials also stand for “non-Black” and shouldn’t be appropriated by white people like me.) Many enbies identify as trans, including me. And when you’re fabulously trans (non-binary or not), masturbation can get surprisingly complicated. 

For some trans people, dysphoria isn’t an issue, either because it just isn’t or because surgery has helped resolve their dysphoria. In other words, they have few or no feelings that their anatomy is mismatched with their internal sense of who they are. 

But for me, and many other trans people of all types, touching the parts of us that feel arousing can also bring reminders that our bodies feel inherently wrong and misgendering. Sometimes people call it “navigating body landmines” or “mental gymnastics,” among other things. But when a partnered or solo moment goes really right, when it makes our hearts sing and our bodies shudder uncontrollably, then it’s pure gender euphoria. I’ve never been anything other than trans, but I suspect that gender euphoria is an especially trans kind of magic. Thankfully, masturbation can be a powerful way to tap into our gender euphoria; no bubble baths needed!

Blending gender affirmation and masturbation is easier said than done. But practice gets us closer to perfect – and  the bliss (and orgasms) become more intense. The most gender-affirming masturbation techniques are unique to each of us, trans or not, and may change over time. Let’s explore some things that might hold the key for you!

Don’t worry about doing it “right”

Begin by giving up on doing it right. I mean it. Find peace with looking or sounding weird. In fact, I would suggest that looking, sounding, smelling, or acting “weird” is key to good masturbation for a lot of people. Humans tend to get aroused in some pretty animalistic ways, including: hearing ourselves moan, scream, grunt, and breathe heavily; grinding, humping, arching, and writhing; even getting a little rough with ourselves by placing a hand on our throat or digging our nails into our fleshy areas. 

Go ahead and be a ravenous animal in heat, in whatever ways feel best as you get carried away. It may be giving yourself permission to grunt fiercely, sigh melodically, or yodel in a secret trans language you invented on the spot. If you suddenly feel authentically you, then you’re on the right track! Hearing sexy sounds that match what you want to sound like can help, so charge up your earbuds as well as your toys.

Get creative with your sex toys

You do have sex toys*, right? What if you had permission to use any kind of stimulation toy that made you feel hot, and not just the ones that are most frequently marketed to the anatomy you have? I honestly have no idea what kind of anatomy would match my sense of gender, but I have found that certain textures and techniques give me that euphoric glow. 

For me, it’s about the eroticism of specific concepts more than enacting things that feel like a specific gender to me. I melt for aspects of power exchange, intense stimulation, and feeling seen and respected. So I look for toys that evoke those things when I masturbate, and I find them across toy categories. 

Dress up! (Or down!)

Clothing can be a tool for affirming jacking, jilling, or …Mx-ing off, too. What evokes gender joy for you? For some trans folks, it’s wearing undies that match their energetic selves. 

What’s that mean? Glad you asked! Some trans folks feel like we have an invisible, energy-based body that is more true to our authentic selves than our physical bodies. We really do have a penis or a vulva or a space-time portal, but only people connected to our gender energy can recognize it. 

Even if you don’t have an energetic self, it’s a fun concept to play with. Maybe boxer shorts, satin panties, a fluffy animal suit, thick socks, or something else just feels right for some reason. Great, go with it! Wear it (or imagine wearing it) while you masturbate and see where it takes you.

Dig in to fantasy

Finally, give yourself permission to visualize yourself as whatever form feels most authentic and euphoric for you. The world is hard enough on you. It likely misgenders (or used to misgender) you all the darned time, unless your life is quite different from mine. Let masturbation be a world in which you reject all of that and welcome yourself in your truest forms. It may take some time to figure out what that means to you, but increasing your pleasure is a pretty sweet return on that investment. Bringing it back to my favourite poet again, Andrea Gibson also says “you are the best thing to ever happen to you.” Why not make that true when you’re rubbing one out, too?

 

*Sex toys should be made of body safe materials and designed for safe sexual use. I strongly recommend investing in toys sold by independent stores that focus on only selling truly body safe items. After all, sex toys are typically unregulated, poorly labeled, and regularly made from some pretty scary materials that can harm your wonderful body.