Masturbating together (whether it be simultaneously or done by having your partner touch your body as you masturbate them at the same time) is sexy, in theory. In reality, it can be easy to get in your own head during the act. You might be wondering things like: How do I start it? What happens if I don’t know what to do next? What if it’s awkward at first?
That’s understandable! Trying new things in the bedroom often requires trial and error and the inevitable vulnerability that comes with it. So here’s a step-by-step guide to mutual masturbation with tips, tricks, and sexy ideas!
Step 1: Don’t overthink it when initiating the conversation
The most simple statements and questions provide a steamy segway into mutual masturbation. For instance, if you’re in a long-distance relationship, consider texting your partner something like this: “I really miss you. Want me to show you how much?”
If that approach isn’t your style, then go with something subtle. Initiate by sending your partner an article explaining what mutual masturbation is and how it can benefit a relationship. Then follow up by asking “What do you think about this?”
Step 2: Let your creativity shine while setting the mood
There are some of you who may find mutual masturbation enticing and others who may feel exposed. Luckily, there are ways to ease into it gradually.
Consider turning the lights off, but keeping a candle lit (as opposed to a lamp) to add some mood to the scene. You can also stay fully clothed, strip down to your underwear when you’re comfortable, and then eventually become completely nude.
Then, think of the different locations that can be used. There’s the bed for maximum comfort, the couch for more cushion for the pushin’, and even the shower if that’s your go-to place to pleasure yourself.
Step 3: Consider your ideal position(s)
The best part about mutual masturbation is the visual, so don’t be afraid to try the following:
Side-by-side. Lying or sitting side-by-side is especially ideal for those who are nervous about masturbating in front of their partner.
Front and center. If you’re a fan of being the center of attention, have your partner lie on their back. Then place yourself above them by squatting or kneeling with your legs open so they can get a close view of the action.
Face-to-face. Sit facing each other and keep your legs spread apart for a full-frontal view that’ll tap into both your inner exhibitionist and voyeur.
Dry humper. A classic dry hump can be added to the position rotation. Grind against a comfortable surface like the edge of the mattress, pillow or bawled up sheets. You can also lie face down and grind against your hand or a vibrating toy.
Step 4: Incorporate dirty talk
You don’t have to be over-the-top about it, but be sure to have some enthusiasm and say what’s on your heart at that moment. Give your partner verbal encouragement by telling them:
- How good it feels to watch them pleasure themselves
- How sexy they look and sound
- How much they turn you on
- When you’re about to come
You can also incorporate dirty talk into mutual masturbatation by telling them what you want them to do to themselves.
Step 5: Consider multiple mutual masturbation techniques to keep it spicy and low-pressure
Mutual masturbation is more than a typical rub and tug. There are other fun elements that can be added, such as:
Watching porn. Watching porn while you masturbate together can make it less awkward because it takes the attention of yourself by putting more focus on other visual stimulation instead. Also, consider pre-selecting the porn you’ll watch together. Not only is it better to watch something you both enjoy, but scrolling through pages upon pages to find the right video could easily kill the mood.
Using sex toys and lube. Whether it be a fleshlight or clitoral sucker, bringing toys into a mutual masturbation session can be a good opportunity to test out new sex toys or stick with your favorites that make you come every time. And, of course, don’t forget to add lube!
Creating a game out of it. Sometimes playful sex is the best sex, and the best way to make mutual masturbation more playful is to turn it into your own game. Create one or two simple rules and let your frisky side run wild. You could pay attention to each other’s verbal and non-verbal cues and attempt to come at the same time. You could also buy some sex dice and pleasure whichever body part that the die lands on. It could also be an interactive game by allowing one of you the other specific instructions. Tell your partner to slow down, speed up, or position their body in a certain way.
Ultimately, masturbation, whether solo or mutual, can be a thrilling experience for anyone involved. Not only can it bring you both pleasure, but it helps you learn more about how your partner likes to be touched and what specific sensations they prefer. Remember, this is your opportunity to get a front seat view of your partner’s pleasure points, so use that to your advantage! As long as you keep an open approach, your intimacy with your partner can become stronger as you connect in a unique way.