When we think about consent, we usually think about sex. According to the Code of the District of Columbia, “‘Consent’ means words or overt actions indicating a freely given agreement to the sexual act or contact in question. Lack of verbal or physical resistance or submission by the victim, resulting from the use of force, threats, or coercion by the defendant shall not constitute consent.”
Sexual consent is crucial, but what if we thought of consent as something bigger, something we practice in all areas of life? Whether agreeing to a favor, a meeting, a hug, or a conversation, we have the right to pause, consider, and decide. We have the right to choose—to say yes—or not. And we deserve that decision to be honored.
Practicing consent in everyday life means honoring your boundaries and recognizing the value of your time, energy, and feelings. It’s not just about communicating clearly with others, but also checking in with yourself: Do I really want to do this? Am I saying yes because I mean it—or because I feel like I have to?
This is where the slow yes comes in.
Why Practice the Slow Yes?
Sometimes we say yes before we even know how we feel. We’re caught off guard. We want to be helpful. We don’t want to disappoint anyone. But saying yes when you’re unsure—or when your heart says no—can lead to resentment, burnout, and a loss of self-trust.
The Risks of Ignoring the Slow Yes
Saying yes when you don’t mean it chips away at your confidence and self-respect. Over time, you may start to feel like life is happening to you instead of with you. You may find yourself drained, overcommitted, or even resentful—not just of others, but of yourself for not honoring your own needs.
Mental Health Benefits of Practicing Everyday Consent
It’s a Form of Self-Care It’s not about saying no to others, it’s about saying yes to yourself. Slowing down to ask yourself how you really feel before answering is an act of self-awareness and self-love. You get to know yourself better. You learn what feels good and what doesn’t. You start trusting your instincts.
It also keeps you from becoming overwhelmed. When you consider your needs and feelings first, you’re less likely to overextend yourself—and more likely to say yes to things that nourish you, challenge you in a good way, or bring you joy.
Sometimes a slow yes might turn into a “yes, but…” or “yes, if…” where you can offer a compromise that honors your boundaries.
It Builds Confidence Choosing when and how to say yes or no can be incredibly empowering. You start to realize you can protect your time and ask for what you need. Each time you speak up for yourself, you reinforce that your feelings matter — that you matter.
And that power carries over into other areas of life. You begin feeling more comfortable asserting yourself, standing firm on your boundaries, and trusting yourself.
It Improves Decision-Making Practicing consent forces you to slow down and check-in. What’s important to me right now? Is this something I want or something I feel guilty about turning down?
You get clearer about what deserves your energy and begin to make decisions that reflect your priorities. Little by little, your calendar, commitments, and conversations reflect your actual values, not just other people’s expectations.
It Strengthens Relationships Not everyone will love your new boundaries. Some relationships may shift, and that’s okay. That’s part of growth. But those shifts make space for new, healthier connections built on mutual respect.
The people who respect you will accept your no just as easily as your yes. They’ll appreciate your honesty. Over time, you will attract relationships where consent is mutual, where both people feel safe saying yes or no. You’ll have deeper, more fulfilling, and more respectful relationships.
Real-Life Examples of Everyday Consent
Here are some ways consent shows up in everyday life:
- Touch: Get in the habit of asking before touching someone or their belongings, including giving a hug or touching someone’s hair.
- Photos & Personal Info: Ask permission before taking or posting pictures of someone, even people you know. When someone shares their personal story with you, get consent before resharing it.
- Social Events: Ensure everyone involved is informed about the event and is okay with the details. And don’t make someone feel pressured to go along with the majority.
- Conversations: Before diving into deep or emotional topics, ask, “Is now a good time to talk about this?”
Remember, consent goes both ways. When asking permission, do so genuinely, so the other person feels it is okay to say no.
So, How Do You Practice the Slow Yes?
Start by asking questions. Find out exactly what is being asked of you and what it involves. If you’re still unclear, get more information. Ask yourself if you need time to think before answering.
Check in with your gut and how you intuitively feel. Do you really want to say yes? Are you hesitant? Here are some ways you can communicate when you’re practicing the slow yes and taking time to decide:
- “Let me think about that and get back to you.”
- “I appreciate the offer, let me think about it first.”
- “Thanks for asking—can I sleep on it?”
You don’t owe anyone an instant answer. Taking time to respond is not rude; it’s respectful to yourself and the other person.
Consent is an Ongoing Practice
The more you practice, the more comfortable and better you’ll get at putting yourself first and consenting. Whether it’s with family members, friends, or a co-worker, you have the right to pause, breathe, and ask yourself: Do I want this?
Respect your yes and your no. Empower yourself by honoring your right to take time before consenting. You deserve to live a life that feels like yours.
LaShonda Tucker
LaShonda Tucker is a freelance writer, poet, and spoken word artist in Atlanta. When she isn't writing, she enjoys playing her violin. She earned her master's degrees from the University of Georgia and Kennesaw State University, and her bachelor's degree in English from the University of Michigan.
