We’ve all heard the saying that you cannot take care of someone else if you do not take care of yourself first. You and your partner have come together as one, so taking care of yourself means taking care of you and your relationship.
You have 12 days of Christmas, Kwanza, New Year’s Eve, and New Year’s Day. Even if you don’t celebrate these holidays — or any other, for that matter — some of these days should still include unwrapping and celebrating something new with your partner. And by unwrapping, we mean unwrapping each other.
Unwrapping and Celebrating Something New
Wants, Needs, Pleasures
This holiday, turn getting to know your partner more — or again — into a game of emotional intimacy and sexcapades. We’ll call this game WNP. It allows you time and space to love and appreciate yourself, your partner, and your relationship.
Each person writes on a piece of paper what you need and want from the other, and an example of when your partner has given it to you. It can be sexual or otherwise. Fold the paper and label each one accordingly, “W,’ ’N,’ and ‘E,’ on the outside. Put yours in one jar and your partner’s in another.
Now, for the truly fun part. Include in your jars some pieces of folded paper with the letter ‘P’ for ‘pleasure.’ This is where you will write what you want from your partner sexually. It could be something about foreplay, emotional intimacy, or lovemaking.
P can be a repeat of W or N, but the difference is that P is purely about sex or acts leading up to sex.
Your P may be, “more flirtatious text messages,” “let’s try new sexual positions,” or explicit instructions.
Set a minimum number you both must write for each letter.
Take turns pulling out a W, N, and E. Then, pull out a P. If one of the Ps or both are something you can do now, do it! If not, exchange Ps with your partner so that you can remember exactly what to do, and surprise them later. Keep pulling until you find a P you can do right now!
Feeling like there’s no time for all of this? While you’re making time to do the traditional holiday stuff, make time for your and your partner’s sexual pleasure.
Set aside a few minutes each day or enough time in one day to think and write your WNPs.
If you have plans to be with loved ones on a specific day, schedule time with your partner before, after, or both, so you can play the game uninterrupted.
Helpful, Thankful, Orgasms
Prepping to have family and friends over can be time-consuming and laborious. Helping or accepting help from your partner gives you more time together.
If your partner does all of the cooking, assist by making some of the meals. If the last thing anyone wants is to eat your cooking, help by doing the prep work. Wash and chop veggies, load the dishwasher, and clean the kitchen.
If you’re the one usually doing everything, let your partner do more than just watch!
The person usually doing most of the work will have more energy and be more relaxed. As a result, there’ll be more time for both of you to do the work we all enjoy year-round — the work that leads to orgasmic, sound-barrier-breaking sex.
New, Discreet, Dirty
Celebrate something new together or with others. Do something that gets you excited about your partner. Turn a night out for dinner or drinks with another couple (or something more risqué) into foreplay.
Touch your partner under the table. Send a dirty text message. Go out in a long coat with just your underwear underneath and flash your partner when no one is looking. Get each other so excited you can barely wait until you get home. And why wait? There’s the side of the road and the back seat. Your present to your partner can be a spontaneous check-in at a nice hotel on the drive home. Explore each other all night in a different room, bed, and shower. If there are no cameras, get nasty in the elevator and lobby.
Too much spontaneity? Plan ahead. Take the essentials with you before you head out for the evening’s activity. Or, surprise your partner by already having their and your overnight essentials secretly packed in the trunk. Throw a bow around the luggage and include some sex toys inside. Let it be the gift that gives over and over and over again.
Bows, Body, Unwrap
Be the gift and the gift wrap. Put a big bow around or over certain areas of your body. Use wrapping paper, if you prefer. Attach a string with a notecard on the end. Be sure to write your lover’s name (so they’ll know this present is for them) and an erotic message on the card. Shake up the gift a little, cover it in eggnog, or set it under the tree. However you present the present, your partner is sure to like it.
The beauty of these sexcapdes is that they don’t go out of season. Make helping your partner, doing something new or old in a foreplayish way, and WNP a regular part of your relationship.
LaShonda Tucker
LaShonda Tucker is a freelance writer, poet, and spoken word artist in Atlanta. When she isn't writing, she enjoys playing her violin. She earned her master's degrees from the University of Georgia and Kennesaw State University.
