To have peace in singleness, you must love yourself unconditionally. And with that, comes inner peace.
We all want that special someone. We’re social creatures. We need love and companionship. But if your peace and happiness do not come from within, you will always be without. You must enjoy your own company and know you are complete just as you were made. It is necessary to understand you have everything you need already. A partner is the icing on the cake.
They enhance you; they don’t complete you.
Reconnecting
Somewhere early in life’s journey, we get the message that we must do something or be a certain way to be worthy of love. We can look at the way we love babies as an example of how to love ourselves. What do babies give? At first, we may say all they do is take. They cry, throw up on us, keep us awake at night, and make stinky diapers. But they give and add to our lives just because they exist. Their existence is enough. And we ask nothing of them in exchange.
We love babies unconditionally. We must learn to love ourselves the same way.
Peace in Singleness
It is not until we find this unconditional love for ourselves, simply because we exist, that we can grow into the individuals we want to be. Being single is a condition. Inner peace and unconditional self-love are above and transcend conditions. Once you have inner peace, it will not be conditional on whether you are single or partnered, you will automatically have peace in singleness.
Practical Things You Can Do
With that being said, how do you find self-love and inner peace? The details depend on the person. But since this article is only a few hundred words, we’ll sum it up: you find it by falling in love with yourself. Spend time with yourself. Date yourself. Think of all the reasons you want a partner, the things you want the partner to do for you and with you, and how you think the partner will make you feel. Now, are you ready? Give those things to yourself!
Identify All of Your Positive Qualities
Think about that special gift you have that you’ve always done well and the talented ways you display it. Write down all of your strengths. (You may become distracted by your growth areas, but only focus on your strengths. You can revisit characteristics you do not like later and determine how you will work on improving or changing them. And more importantly, know the difference between what you can modify, and accept and love what you cannot. This, however, is another article.)
Reconnect With Things That Make You Feel Alive, Free, and Happy
Do you enjoy singing? Maybe as a child, you always liked to take things apart and see how they worked. Do you miss the dance classes you took or the time you spent hooping in the yard? Start doing these activities again. Take classes or participate in events to cultivate your interests and skills. Things you enjoy can be hobbies or volunteer opportunities, or become catalysts for acquiring side gigs, making a career change, or starting a business.
Do the Things You Want to Do With a Partner, with Friends and Loved Ones Instead
Close relationships with others can help you find the joy in being you. Surround yourself with supportive and positive people. If you do not have such people in your life currently, or you want more, get involved in opportunities to meet new people and build new relationships. Take a friend or invite someone you want to get to know better or go by yourself. Just be safe and stick to public gatherings. If you can, research and call ahead to get a feel for the environment and make sure it’s safe. You can learn about social events from Facebook, Instagram, and
meetup.com.
Spiritual Growth
Attend a spiritual gathering place or spiritual events. Connecting with something higher than yourself within yourself can help you fall in love with you and find inner peace. Spiritual gathering centers and functions are also great ways to meet new people and gain companions you can hang out with.
Enjoy Your Own Company
Just do you with you. Whether that is cooking yourself a special meal, taking yourself out, or exercising, enjoy just being with yourself. You may be thinking, “But I already spend time by myself. That’s the problem.” However, true “me time” is about self-care. You don’t even have to do anything. Spend intentional, focused time with yourself where you clear your mind and appreciate just being.
Sit outside on the porch or at the park. Lounge on the sofa and just think. Become comfortable sitting with yourself in silence. One great way to do this is by meditating. If you find it hard to just sit, put on meditation music and concentrate on your breathing.
Once you have embraced your innate completeness, you’ll find joy. And, ohhhhhh, all the great things — and people — you’ll attract when you are finally, truly enjoying life.
LaShonda Tucker
LaShonda Tucker is a freelance writer, poet, and spoken word artist in Atlanta. When she isn't writing, she enjoys playing her violin. She earned her master's degrees from the University of Georgia and Kennesaw State University.
