We here at Sexual + Being are always encouraging safe, informed, intimate interactions with partners new and old. But in These Corona Times, we must be even more diligent. The safest way to reach your climax right now is by carrying yourself to the top of the mountain, so to speak. Depending on your living situation, that can be a bit tricky — but don’t fret. We’ve got the hacks on how to keep it discreet, fun, and — of course — pleasurable.
First things first — wash y’all hands, bruh! Y’all know you should be doing this anyway (and should have been *side eye*) but especially now that most of us are almost always in close proximity to others, and many times sharing spaces and items, keep those grabbers clean!
I, myself, live with one roommate. It’s been an experience managing my self-pleasure now that neither of us leaves the house very often. So, I’ve got some tips for you. And I also got some advice from my friend “Destiny” who lives with two roommates, just to make sure all the bases are covered.
(I really miss bases, *sigh*)
Location, Location, Location
Before the dark cloud of Corona descended upon us, I was a full-time work from home professional. Well, I guess I still am, but now my roommate is always home too, so my freedom to move about our space during the day looks much different.
As the shot clock ran out for me on finding a safe and desirable partner to quarantine with, I settled in for the long haul at home. The first and most obvious obstacle was where to do “it.” I toured the house one day to map out possible locations for discrete self-love. You’d be surprised how much house space you haven’t taken account of! Besides your room, you may have bathrooms or closets available. Maybe even a spare room or something adventurous like a backyard tent. Map out your locations and feel free to mix them up. Keep the scenery interesting!
Destiny’s Pro Tip: Talk to your housemates about the use of shared spaces. In her crib, they’ve agreed that a locked door and music coming from the bathroom means the occupant could use a little extra “me time.” Otherwise, the door remains unlocked since all three of them share it — so it’s a pretty clear, discrete sign when it’s not.
Changes in work worldwide have us all operating on altered schedules. For some people, the state of affairs has also taken a toll on their usual sleep rhythms. It may be worth observing the natural changes for a while to make note of shifts in your own schedule and energy levels, as well as those of your quarantine mates. That may be all you need — or you may want to have an explicit conversation about schedules to get a sense of how your ‘tine team thinks about their time these days.
For example, I know my roommate likes to go to bed (or at least to her room) between 10:00pm and midnight most nights. That means I can be a bit more adventurous with my locations after that time, as long as I keep the noise down. Each of us also usually picks one day a week to venture out into the world for errands. Those brief times I have the house to myself have become golden hours of being able to do pleasure my way. I feel like Super Mario when he gets the superstar: unstoppable.
Destiny’s Pro-Tip: If she knows her roommates are awake or in adjacent rooms, she will usually start her fun time with her hands and bring her toys in for the grand finale, as to decrease the length of time that anyone could theoretically hear the … um … buzzing. Yes, the buzzing. The buzzing of loving.
I don’t know about y’all, but my fellow cishet men can sometimes be a bit artless when it comes to pleasure, self-involved or otherwise. I’m advocating for kicking your supplies up a notch. Many of us won’t have the dynamic energy of another person in the room to heighten the senses, so we could use some accessories to help. Hopefully, you already have some quality headphones or speakers. Whether you’re trying to contain sounds or drown them out, it’s worth considering.
Maybe by this point in quarantine, you’ve found a virtual bae or playmate — or maybe you’re just farther from your person than you’d like to be. Either way, tech can make things interesting. If you’re down to use your phone or computer camera for some live action with your boo, you might consider copping a ring light / tripod combo or a webcam attachment. Clearer video, brighter light, and a more lovely picture of your person can only help make you hotter in the moment. The tripod also makes way for some “hands-free” action that your partner can watch without you having to worry about multitasking with your device … though I’m sure you’d be multitasking if your lover was there.
Lastly, bring some mood to your environment! Whether your cyber sexing or rocking it solo, setting the mood for yourself could be an awesome experience. While you’re online shopping your heart out like never before, try searching for some different colored light bulbs, salt lamps, candles, incense, and maybe even some body oils you can use to soften up before diving in.
Destiny’s Pro-Tip: Consider ordering waterproof products for use in the shower! Also, consider ordering products that are designated as “quiet” toys to ward off the anxiety of being overhead when you don’t want to be.
The Act Itself
Now that you’ve got your location, schedule, and supplies, it’s time to seduce yourself. But how? And how to continue doing it without it losing its flair, you ask? Well, firstly, try to stay open-minded and patient with yourself. Sex and pleasure is just one aspect of your life among many that have changed recently. It may take a little before you’re totally comfortable. But that’s okay! Go at your own pace.
Which brings me to my first point — specifically for the guys. Pace yourself. Take your time. Working our way up to the finish line can be helpful in quenching these urges we have and providing a more fulfilling experience. Don’t shortchange yourself on the duration of your self-love just for the payoff. Throw on some music, moisturize yourself, make a little ritual. Many of us have more time to burn during quarantine … utilize it!
In keeping with my prior point about virtual hookups (which I strongly recommend, btw), consider using the media at your disposal in a new way. Ever displayed your stimulating images and videos of choice on a big screen? A projector? These are unordinary times, be unordinary with how you approach your viewing pleasure.
Finally, I want to share that I’ve recently purchased some toys for myself. I’ve never used any without a partner, so this is new territory for me, but it’s exciting. Who knows, maybe I’ll even report back on the experience. But dudes, don’t feel shy about it. There’s a lot of stuff out there made for us as well. If your loving on “Palm-ela” is getting a bit mundane, now’s the perfect time to explore. Hit me up if you want to talk about it!
Destiny’s Pro-Tip: Buy yourself some suction cups to go along with your toys to mount them on walls and other nooks within your locations at different heights and angles. Destiny says, “thank me later.”
Be safe, y’all. Be well. Be adventurous.