Life in the time of COVID-19 is not something any of us were prepared for. In just a few months, we went from navigating our daily routines to reconsidering every single part of them: how we eat, how we socialize, how we workout, and, of course, how we have sex.
But how can we even have sex if guidance tells us to socially distance and remain as far from other humans as possible? Well, that’s where your friends at Sexual + Being come in.
With help from some of my Instagram followers, we put together some tips and tricks on how to stay sexually satisfied without posing an undue health risk to you or your partner(s). Take a look:
1. Go f*ck yourself … literally.
Let me spell that out for you: Masturbate from the safety of your own home. As the New York City Health Department put so eloquently in a recent advisory, “you are your safest sex partner.” Now is the time to really get in touch with yourself and take control of your own needs.
That can mean sticking with your tried-and-true methods of getting off, experimenting with new toys, stimulants or techniques, or getting philosophical with it and reexamining what sex with yourself even looks like. Plus, you’ll be protecting your health in the long run and it’ll likely relieve some stress, which we all know will help right now.
Pro-tip: Look into investing in subscription-based porn service like OnlyFans, if you’re financially able, and support your favorite performers whose work may be impacted by COVID-19. It’s a win-win!
2. Pivot to video
It’s 2020, people, and it’s never been easier to be far apart and still connect. So while you may be socially distant, you don’t have to be sexually distant.
Whether you’re single and still ready to mingle, partnered but in different locations, or somewhere in the middle, using your phone or computer to have sex with people can be safe and fun.
Personally, I understand the nerves around it. I have a problem seeing myself (yes, even in that small FaceTime thumbnail) when I’m video-chatting anyone, let alone if it’s for phone sex. I, however, have trained myself out of that by adjusting what I can see on playback. This puts the focus on who you’re showing your goodies to and not on what you look like. You know, like physical sex? It can make all the difference, especially if you’re hesitant.
Another option? Just put a Post-it over that part for your screen! It’s the low tech solution to a high tech problem.
3. Don’t overthink, just try it!
If you’re like me and living with a partner, you may be at the point where your sex life in self-quarantine is feeling a bit too familiar. Feels like a mighty good time to push your sexual boundaries, doesn’t it?
Reinvigorating your sexual side only has to get as wild as you and your partner(s) want. These are your boundaries to push, after all, so don’t put pressure on it. It can be as mild as having sex at a different time of day or in a different room than you usually do. You can try that position you saw in that one video, break out the unopened box of toys, or even go even kinkier.
Whatever your “it” is, just do it! As long as you are safe and consenting to what’s happening, let loose a little and experiment.
4. Flirt app-ily from home
While I personally don’t use any of ye ole dating apps anymore, I’ve heard they are very much alive and kicking during this crisis. With good reason, too.
Keeping it text-ual and not in-person sexual can stop the spread of COVID-19, potentially saving your life and the lives of those around you. Like video-chatting, flirting with people from a distance can be thrilling. I mean, there isn’t a cure for our moment, but who’s to say some nudes won’t help your spirits?
Since most apps are so geographically focused, you can also connect to those 8-feet away or 8000. Why not have a virtual first date? It brings you socially closer to those in your area without having to touch and you may just have an IRL connection waiting for you when all this subsides.
5. Give yourself a break
Yet, at the end of the day, the most important tip right now is to listen to your body.
We are all living through something unprecedented and there is no roadmap on how to feel. It’s okay to be super horny right now — in fact, psychology has found that fear of death actually can actually increase sexual desire. Don’t let the doom-and-gloom of the world around you make you feel shame for that as long as you’re safe.
As okay as it is to be horned up, it’s just as okay for your sex drive to be lacking or for it to ebb and flow. Many of us are balancing financial instability, our personal health and wellness, concern for our loved ones, and other things this distressing time has brought into our lives. Don’t beat yourself up for not wanting to do it, alone or with partners.
What matters most right now, for so many reasons, is that you’re trusting what your body is telling you.
In the weeks ahead of this pandemic, you are the only one who will know how you’re feeling — sexually or otherwise. We hope these tips help you stay safe and have fun as healthily (and in observance of the CDC’s guidance) as you can.