‘Tis the season, friends. Cue the sugar plum fairies, dreidels, and twinkling lights. The holidays are upon us and, unlike Santa, we aren’t giving out coal if you want to get naughty.
Here at Sexual + Being, we want to help you celebrate this year’s festivities in sufficiently sexy style. No matter what your plans look like this year, we want to help you add a little holiday spice to even the sweetest of your celebrations.
After the year we went through together, we all deserve to have our halls decked and our chimneys swept, right? Right. So, grab your tinsel and let’s count the ways you can end up on the naughty list this year, shall we?
1. Listen to the man in red
Sometimes the naughtiest things are the most obvious. Just take the advice of the holly jolly man himself: ho(e), ho(e), ho(e) … it up. Forgive the very on-the-nose(-so-bright) pun here and listen up.
If you’re looking to get down and dirty, there is no more obvious place to start than by doing the deed itself. Whatever said act looks like for you, just go forth and get to it. Be unafraid to shoot your merry shot with someone. A hometown hookup, a flirty stranger(s?) at the bar, an ex, a friend, whoever! And sex it up to your heart’s content and their unanimous consent.
If they’re down and you’re ready, cozy up by the fire and heat things up together. It’s getting cold out there, after all. A little extra body heat never hurts.
2. Toys, toys, toys
Sometimes the best gifts are the ones that keep on giving … and, by giving in this case, we mean sending you to new heights of pleasure. Of course, we’re talking about toys and not the ones you can typically snatch up from Santa’s workshop.
Right now, there are a number of sexy gadget and gizmos your promiscuous self can use a-plenty to get things going. From mini Rudolph-inspired pocket rockets to tingly peppermint lube to candy-cane-colored vibrators to butt plugs adorned with jingling bells and more, the options are limitless. They do not even need to be themed to get the job done for you and/or your partner(s). They just need to really hit that special spot.
Now’s as good a time as any to cross the dream item of your wishlist. And, who knows, you might just find a new reason for this season.
3. Sneak away to a manger (or the like)
You know that world-famous story about a baby born to a virgin woman? We bet you do.
Well, this has nothing to do with that. But, as the story goes, sometimes you have to be nimble with your plans and improvise to get what you want. If you’re looking to really get things holiday horny, try switching up your usual sex spots and replacing them with newer, more creative and potentially deeply thrilling ones. A bed is a classic, yes, but we’ve been there.
You have a whole plethora of options right where you are: showers, living rooms, kitchen counters, against windows, by the tree, or propped up next to the mantle to get stuffed like your stockings. Use your imagination and get those flames a-cooking.
4. The more, the merrier
Take it from the wise men here: Sometimes, the best things come in three. Or, if you’re feeling adventurous, take a cue from Dasher, Dancer, and the gang and make it a date for eight.
The number doesn’t matter here, really, but spending some sexy time with a group can be a refreshing way to explore your sexuality. You can do as much or as little as you would like – make like the Polar Express and hop on a train; experiment with some gingerbread men, women ,or non-binary babes; jack each other’s frosts. It’s all on you.
5. Swap the ugly sweaters for something skimpier
Every year, some of us get the dreaded ugly sweater party where we, for some reason, purposefully buy something hideous, wear it publicly, and take pics. Yeah, we can skip that this year.
Instead, let’s trade in those bulky wool Christmas monstrosities and pick up some sexy holiday-themed gear to rock. Bra and pant sets, jockstraps, skimpy bathrobes, and more can be found with varying degrees of festive embellishments depending on what you’re looking for or celebrating.
Switch up the look and, who knows, maybe Santa won’t be the only one getting some cookies.
Happy horny days, folks! For information on keeping up with your sexual health – the tried-and-true reason gift we hope you are getting – visit sexualbeing.org.